---8 PM---

   4 stages, 5 bands....The Black Eyed Peas are the first one up with the ultra obnoxious, "Lets Get It Started." It is not a bad song but all those NBA commercials have killed it. 2 minutes later, they are done and we now get Gwen Steffani lip syncing along with Eve. Come on Gwen...you used to be a rock star, get rid of the "backing" track. PS, Gwen looks terrible...ate a cheeseburger for god's sake.

   So Gwen's two minutes are up and the Black Eyed Peas are back...but why are they playing the same song that they started with? They walk through the crowd and walk right onto a small platform containing the Los Lonely Boys who go right into "Heaven." And if you don't know, their idea of "Heaven" involves pot...and lots of it as drummer Ringo Garza and his wife were just busted for possession a few weeks ago. The sound good but they brought the performance to a halt. Luckily Maroon 5 are on now doing "This Love." A good young band and all but good lord does the singer have a whiney voice.

   Franz Ferdinand are up next and suddenly the Grammys have gone back to 1982. The one guitar player looks as if he is auditioning for the Hives, while the lead singer looks fresh off of a “Where Are They Now” VH1 special. We end up with all the bands on the stage each singing the hooks from their song in one jumbled mess. Who greenlighted this trainwereck? At least it can only get better from here….right.

---8.18---

   Christina Milian, John Travolta, and Steven Tyler give props to Legend winner Pinetop Perkins before moving on to the Best Pop Duo or Group with Los Lonely Boys winning. They shoot the guys celebrating and we get a Gavin Rosdale sighting…did anyone think back when Bush was huge that we would disappear as quickly as he did…wait you did? Really? Yeah, I can’t lie; I guess they lasted longer than we thought too.

---8.25---

   u2 up now and during the intro to “Sometimes You Cant Make It On Your Own,” Bono gives a nice monolog about his father, in case anyone wasn’t already aware that they wrote a whole CD about Bono’s father passing away. They are playing in front of a bright white light, and shots are mostly Bono alone on the white making him look so damn righteous. Don’t get us wrong, we are big u2 fans but the latest disc really is a bunch of B-sides compared to the rest of their catalog…granted that is still better than 95% of all other music. They sound good, but just a boring performance.

---8.48---

   Best Rock Album award up next with Green Day winning the much deserved award. Never have been a big fan but American Idiot is truly amazing. It would have been nice to see The Killers or Velvet Revolver win, but the best CD won this award.

   Excuse me while I throw up in my mouth for a bit, as Marc Anthony and J-Lo come to debut their lovely duet. Do you know J-LO has something like 3 #1 CDs but has never toured?? Something tells me she will not be singing live tonight. They aren’t singing in English either…how can I criticize what I am sure is garbage if I can not understand it. I just looked it up, they are actually singing “You make me wanna la la.”

   But to not disappoint all the red-states, here comes a tribute to Southern Rock, which host Queen Latifaf called one of the greatest eras in musical history….quite an interesting claim. We kick off with “Free Bird” with Gretchen Wilson singing…I think Ronnie Van Zandt. just rolled over in his grave. Dickie Betts and Tim Mcgraw join Skynyrd to do some “Ramblin Man.” I thought Betts actually passed away a few years ago, he looks good for passing away. Of course they finish up with “Sweet Home Alabama;” Do you think Neil Young hates that this song is so poular since it really is such a big “F You” to him? If I was Neil Young, it would bug me.

   In one of the most shameless and self-serving moves, Queen Latifah once again tries to make us think she is more a jazz singer like in Chicago, and not the rapper who starred on Living Single. Oh yeah, no matter how much you sing Queen, that awful show will not be forgotten.

---9.20---

   Oh Tyra Banks, won’t you dump Chris Webber and date the EmpyreLounge.com? Please, please please…we have no shame, we will beg. Best New Artist goes to Maroon5, the first big robbery of the night. 50 Cent would have busted a cap in Maroon5, just for using the word “trippiest” and yes, that was the guy who writes the songs that said that. Maroon5 is a good band and all and really fit the bill as a Grammy New Artist winner since most disappear within a few years after winning.

---9.29---

   Here comes Green Day. Who would have thought that they would still be around after 10 years? You would think Quentin Tarantino would know he doesn’t need to yell into a mic to be heard. Green Day said “fuck” and it was censored, but they can say “faggot”?? I wonder how that works…stupid FCC.

---9.44---

   Kanye West on stage now in a black suit doing “Jesus Walks.” He must be friends with Alicia Keys as this is kind of over dramatic, interlude by The Blind Boys of Alabama before Kanye comes back on stage now in white and finishes up with angel wings behind him. He is getting a standing ovation from the audience though.

   He then goes on to win Best Rap CD and goes on to give a hell of a speech, even referencing Al Bundy. You think Ed O'Neill, Al Bundy himself, was sitting somewhere like ‘Holy shit, Kanye West just gave me a shout out at the Grammys.” This was easily the best speech of the night with Kanye closing with “Everyone wondered what I would do if I didn’t win….I guess we will never know.” Great Grammy moment.

---10.00---

   Here is the tribute to Janis Joplin with Joss Stone and Melissa Etheridge. I really want to say how hot Joss Stone is, but alas we can not…maybe once she turns 18 we will tell you, but you will just have to wait. She does have an amazing voice though and here comes the recovering Melissa Etheridge. I knew she was sick and had been going through Chemo, but still surprised to see her walk out completely shaved head. She pulls it off though, and it actually looks good on her. She looks great though, and seeing her rocking out has to be a pretty big boost to other cancer survivors.

---10.14---

   Tim McGraw up with “Live Like You Were Dying,” the song he wrote about losing his father, former MLB pitcher Tug McGraw. I love how literal country music is…there is no need for interpretation; it is just laid right out there on the line, no thinking necessary. I wonder how many songs Tim has wrote about the years that Tug didnt come around or acknowledge him, until he was a famous country singer of course.

   Jack White and Loretta Lynn win Best Country CD… Loretta Lynn is an old crazy woman, and I really think this is the first time Jack White has spoken in public. An odd scene seeing the two of them together, her leading him around, like the hillbilly Mrs. Robinson.

   Time to try and raise some money for the Tsunami Fund. We have Bono, Stevie Wonder, Norah Jones, Brian Wilson, Alicia Keys, Scott Weiland, Billy Joe Armstrong, Tim McGraw, Steven Tyler backed by the rest of Velvet Revolver doing the Beatles “Across the Universe.” I really like what they are doing, but Im going to be honest here….this isn’t very good.